I’m jealous of girls that are super gorgeous. The ones that everyone always wants to be around, the friend everyone wants to have. The one that everyone looks at and thinks “damn she’s beautiful.” The ones that have a naturally cute laugh, a perfect smile, the ones with cute clothes and that look perfect all the time.
May you never steal, lie, or cheat, but if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows, and if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life, and if you must cheat, then please cheat death because I couldn’t live a day without you.
you: tries to roast me with a lame yo mama joke
me: looks you up on ancestry.com, finds out that your great grandmother was banished from her lithuianian village because no one liked her, writes a six page allegorical story that roasts your great grandmother, then reads it to your significant other to get them to despise you